Crime Doesn't Pay & Neither Does Work
by Tomandark
Summary: When Goku finds out that he owes $30,000 in back taxes, how is he going to pay them off? Can a SSJ w/ little grasp on reality get a job, let alone hold it? Chap. 1-Tax Evasion & Taxi Drivers R


A/N: I don't own DB-Z-GT, but I'm working on it! This is Humor, so calm Yo' crazy ass down! Now, what if Goku needed to get a job? How could a SSJ w/ no grasp on reality handle the real world? One day at a time of course! Watch Goku struggle to pay off his debt, or pile more onto it! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! PLEEEEEEEZE! Also, please check out my other story, an action/adventure tale called The Agama Saga. View the end of this chapter for details.  
  
Crime Doesn't Pay (& Neither Does Work)  
  
Chapter 1-Tax Evasion & Taxi Drivers  
  
" Last time on Dragon Ball...wait...there was no last time.... Is the narrator out of a job? Stay tuned to find out, or else he is!"  
  
"Mmmmmm...I can't wait until dinner, Chi-Chi! What is it you're making? It sure smells good!" Goku could hardly wait for his favorite time of day, no, not when he gets off work, since Sayin Earth protectors don't work! What is his favorite time of day? Dinner of course! After a hard day of training, it's time to replenish his energy w/ a hearty meal fit for forty men!  
  
"Stir fry with chicken and soy sauce. You should like it! I made twenty bowls!" Chi-Chi smiled as Goku started to drewl, but frowned when some of it got on the counter. "GOKU! Wake up, you air head!" Goku snapped back to the real world, and sapped his spit back into his mouth.  
  
"So sorry Chi-Chi! I get lost in the aromas sometimes!" Goku apologized profusely.  
  
"Oh, you'll get lost alright," Chi-Chi mumbled through her gritted teeth.  
  
Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Bang! Bang! Pow! Goku's front door was busted down, and three men dressed up like CIA agents grabbed Goku by the arm and tried to move him out of the kitchen, but, of course, Goku was way to strong. "Come on, mister! You're under arrest for property tax evasion and annual tax evasion from 2134-2137! Time to go! You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can and WILL be used against you in court!" The man struggled to put handcuffs on Goku, but Goku wouldn't put his hands behind his back.  
  
"What the hell is going? Tax evasion? When? What are you guys talking about?!?" Goku was very much confused. "I'm trying to eat dinner, you guys are going to have to wait!" The man stared, eyes blank, at Goku. They had never seen such an idiot before.  
  
"Goku, I think they mean business," Chi-Chi turned to the men. "Please excuse my husband, he's, well, he's a little slow. Now, I rest assured, we never had any taxes. We never had any income!"  
  
"No income? How is that possible?" The men wondered if they had two crazy mountain people to worry about. 'Why do I get the crazy ones?' "Listen, we're with the IRS, and we know for a fact someone worked between 773-775 in this house! And the government has just discovered your house and forest. You haven't been paying any property taxes! Now respect my authority!" The IRS man starts whacking Goku w/ a nightstick like Cartman.  
  
Goku sat thinking, and took the nightstick and cracked it in half. "Oh! Gohan worked during those years down at the Pizza Mart, didn't he, Chi- Chi?" Chi-Chi nodded to Goku. "As for the property taxes, I don't know was to say, except, um, sorry?"  
  
"Oh, but sorry won't do! $30,000 will, and by the end of one month! Since you seem a little strong and determined, we'll leave you be for the rest of this evening. You know where to go if you have the money. If you don't provide your back taxes by one month from this date of March 27, 795 at 5:47:06.21 PM, we will take your land and you both will serve a ten-year jail sentence. No buts, no way out. Understood?" He looked at the couple.  
  
"Uh, I suppose..."  
  
"Good! And with that, I bid you adieu." The IRS men walked away. "Oh, and you can replace the door with your own money." He then bolted off in fear of the super strong lawbreaker, Goku. You could here them yelling to hurry up and start the car.  
  
"Uh, Chi-Chi, what should we do?!?" Goku started panicking. "I don't want to lose this house. I can break out of jail, though, right?"  
  
"Goku, you could, but you shouldn't! You must pay for it. Though you could let me out of jail!" Chi-Chi nudged him, but Goku, w/ his little intellect, the idea didn't click.  
  
"Why? You broke the law to!" Chi-Chi fell down anime-style at Goku's naïve.  
  
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"I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK!" Goku tried to think of another way to earn the money. "What about the lottery, people win that thing all the time!" Goku tried to keep a smile after his last suggestion.  
  
"You must go to work! We need to pay off our debt, remember? Now get out there and fill out as many job applications as you can!!! Here's 10 bucks for lunch. Now get out of here before I throw you out!" Chi-Chi first kissed Goku, then pushed him out of the house and slammed the door.  
  
"I hope my boss isn't this mean..." Goku lay there w/ the anime-style swirls in his eyes.  
  
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Goku walked down the streets of West City, looking for 'Help Wanted' signs. "Is this city devoid of job openings?" Goku mumbled to himself rhetorically.  
  
"Hey bub, come over here!" A mobster stood in a back alley, flipping a coin in a dark corner, smoking a cigar.  
  
"Me?" Goku looked around.  
  
"Who do ya think? Now listen bub, I heard you need a job, right?" Goku nodded. "You're strong, right?"  
  
"Like you won't believe!" Goku was getting excited.  
  
"Well, how about a delivery boy? This is just between you and me, kapeesh?" The mobster looked around. "You aren't with the cops, are ya?"  
  
"No way! I'm in hot water with them!" Goku was jumping on this offer to get paid.  
  
"Good, then ya got nothing to lose! Take this package to 123 Fake Street. DON'T LOOK IN IT! Why? You don't like cement shoes, do you?"  
  
"Well, that might help with my training. I do need more weights!" Goku wondered how one man could be so generous.  
  
The mobster shook his head at Goku. "Now, come back tomorrow at EXACTLY 12:07 AM for your BIG payoff, but if the package doesn't get to it's destination by seven O'clock tonight, you'll be sleeping with the fishes!"  
  
"OH BOY! A lock-in at the aquarium?" Goku started dreaming of the fun he'd have.  
  
"He he, I like your attitude boy, if this job fails, you'd make a great comedian, but trust me, this job won't fail for your sake. Now take the package and be careful!" The mobster handed him the package, and Goku walked off, thanking him. The mobster just grumbled in response.  
  
'I'll be sure not to drop of this package, I mean; I really want to get a free lock-in at the aquarium. But why is that funny?' Goku pondered on this, until he spotted a taxi about to run a red light and collide with an 18-wheeler. "HEY MISTER!" Goku ran into traffic, and picked up the taxi and put it down on the sidewalk. "YOU GOTTA BE MUCH MORE CAREFUL!" The taxi- driver and his patron just sat there, staring at him and shaking. "Well, aren't you going to tell me something?"  
  
"Ummmmm... umm...Thank you very much, super strong man?" The taxi-driver was to freaked to speak.  
  
"Your welcome!" Goku realized the man didn't know why he pushed him off the road. "You almost hit an 18-wheeler! Didn't you know?"  
  
"NO WAY! Really? I owe you everything. Christnue smiles upon you! I thank you so much! You saved my job and I!" The man spoke in a heavy Indian accent. "Here, do you need a job?"  
  
"Well speak of the Devil! I sure do!"  
  
"Well than hop in, I can get you one easily! Move over you silly pedestrian." He motioned for his patron to move down the seat. Not wanting to freak him out by flying, Goku just hopped in. They rode down the avenue to the "We'll Be There in 60 Seconds" headquarters. They walked up the stairs of the taxi garage to the driver's boss's office. "Sir, I have a great, great man here, and he needs a job! He saved me! I was going to collide with an 18-wheeler, and this man, with his super human strength, pushed my car to safety. He saved my patron, my car, me, and most especially my paycheck from footing the bill of buying a new taxi!"  
  
"Hmmm...Get out of here Apoopoo, I need to talk to-what is you name, sir?" The boss had a gruffly voice, and was wearing a wife beater.  
  
"Son. Goku Son. Nice to meet you!" Goku held out his hand to shake, but the boss just looked at him and turned back to Apu.  
  
"GO APOOPOO!"  
  
"Uh, sir, the name is Apu!"  
  
"That's nice Apoopoo, now get back to work!" The boss pointed towards the door. The patron was screaming from below the stairs he was going to be VERY late to a meeting. "Sit down, Son. Now, you saved this man, huh?" Goku nodded excitedly, but then stopped. "You want a job?"  
  
"Well, uh, I don't really have a license," Goku mumbled beneath his breath.  
  
"Like that actually matters, how many of my workers do you think have licenses that I've hired?"  
  
"All of them?"  
  
"Well isn't that cute, BUT IT'S WRONG! Few of them is the right answer. Do you have any idea how easy it is to buy fake licenses from this great West City mafia that just moved into the city."  
  
"Really? I think I have a part-time job with them. They seem nice, all in all with the lock-ins at the aquarium." Goku smiled, the boss just stared, and his cigar fell out of his mouth.  
  
"Uh, don't worry. I hire insane people to. My health insurance does cover therapy, as you will see I can be very generous. NOW GET OUT AND DRIVE!"  
  
"Um, what about keys?"  
  
"Here, take these keys!"  
  
"Which car?"  
  
"What's with all the damn questions? It works on anything, 'ight? All the locks are busted anyway. Except #21, you have to enter through the trunk. It seems all the people who drive that one never gets a good amount of fare. Just go, time is money, and as you will soon learn, I'm all about the money, not the time!" Goku ran out of his office and jumped in a taxi, fearing for his job.  
  
"Uh...think back to driving school Goku! R is for reverse! Yeah!" Goku sped off in reverse, hitting down a ladder with a painter on it. Thud! The painter hit the trunk. "OK, now drive, um...hey! I wonder what gear 2 does?" Goku continued trying different gears, ramming different things, until he wound back at Reverse. "DAMNIT! Either the next gear works or I give up!" Goku put it in gear 1, and the car was off, but an albeit slower than usual. "I coulda swore cars were faster than this!" The car crept at 40 MPH, slow for a taxi driver. Soon Goku was on Hercule Avenue, filled with disgusting Hercule memorials. Goku picked up his first customer, a small businessman. Goku picked him up after running eight red lights, and, have accidentally putting it in Drive, blew through intersections at 60 MPH!  
  
"Could, you, uh, please watch your driving a bit better?" The man started to worry, but he had been in worse taxis.  
  
"No can do, I don't have a license!" Goku responded, feeling great to have a good excuse.  
  
"WHAT! Oh man! Oh man! Let me out! PLEASE!"  
  
"But we're almost there! Hold on!" Goku sped up to 110 MPH, and started weaving through lanes. In some kind of heaven sent miracle, he didn't crash!  
  
"STOP THE DAMN CAR!" Goku finally applied the brakes, and the man flew forward onto the windshield. "Ugh...I'm leaving, and reporting you!" The man looked at his drawn up license. "Goku Son! If that is your real name! Wait! We're on tracks! Electric bullet train tracks! AHH! Move up! Move up!"  
  
"Huh? I don't see a train!" Goku pushed the man out, who just missed the electrified third rail, and he ran far away. "Ha! Train tracks! What bull! Eh, wait! Is that a train?!" Goku started to panic. "OK, remember Goku! Drive...drive is for...uh..." Goku had to take the car from Park to Drive, but he didn't know how. "D! D is for Drive! Ya!" While Goku celebrated, he forgot about the train, but soon came to his senses, and put the car in gear. He yelled, and just as the car moved, his door was bashed in by the bullet train! "AHHHHHHHHHHH! GOD HELP ME!" Goku held on, but then realized, with his super strength and defense, he wasn't hurt at all. He busted through the wreckage, and flew away from the train that was trying to stop for his car. "Phew! Thank God I'm a Sayin!"  
  
The conductor looked on. "Uh, folks, what just happened WAS NOT, I repeat WAS NOT a crash into a taxi, nor is that a man flying away from his bashed up car. Thank you." The train conductor thought he could get away with this crash. His record remained clean another day.  
  
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Goku tried to explain to his hot-tempered, yelling boss what happened, but all the boss heard was, "I had a little accident," and he went ballistic. "THIS IS COMING FROM YOUR PAYCHECK! YOU'RE FIRED! THE $10,000 CHARGE IS ON ITS WAY IN THE MAIL! I WANT IT PAID IN ONE-MONTH IN FULL! NOW GET OUTTA HERE, YOU SCUM BUCKET, BLOATED SACK OF PROTOPLASM!"  
  
"$10,000 DOLLARS?!? No way! The locks didn't even work, more like $3,000 at most!"  
  
"OH YEA! I'LL MAKE IT $13,000 AND I'LL TAKE YOU TO COURT ON IT!"  
  
"NO WAY! C'mon, I barely survived the crash! Shouldn't you be happy! And shouldn't your insurance cover it?"  
  
"YOU WERE FIRED THE MOMENT THAT TRAIN HIT YOUR CAR! MY INURANCE DOESN'T COVER IT! BESIDES, THERE'S NOT A SCRATCH ON YOUR BODY!"  
  
"No way I'm paying 10 G's! Get over it! I already have to pay $30,000!"  
  
"OH FINE! THAN YOU'RE PAYING 13 G's, MY FRIEND! AND THAT APOOPOO GUY IS IN BIG TROUBLE, LETTING ME HIRE YOU LIKE THAT!"  
  
"I told you I didn't have a license! JEESH! Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Goku flew through his window, leaving glass shard on the ground.  
  
" YOU'RE SO PAYING FOR THAT! JUST 'CAUSE YOU FLY, YOU AIN'T SO SPECIAL!" The boss shook is fist at the flying Sayin.  
  
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"Chi-Chi, I'm home!" Goku looked around for his wife, expecting a big meal. Seeing no one was around, Goku tried to sneak out back, not wanting to tell her we now own $43,000!  
  
"SURPRISE!" Chi-Chi yelled, than blew a noisemaker in Goku's face. Goku freaked out, and almost had a heart attack. "How's my hard workin' man?"  
  
"Uh, real good, yea." Goku mumbled, ashamed that Chi-Chi set up a buffet for him, and yet all Goku did was work his way into more debt. "Here's your 10 bucks back." Goku felt to ashamed to keep it.  
  
"OH WOW! You were too busy to even eat lunch? How great! So, what job did you get?"  
  
Goku looked into Chi-Chi's anxious eyes. He turned around and mumbled, "I was a taxi driver."  
  
Chi-Chi's expression changed to worry. "But you don't know how to drive!"  
  
"Exactly! I kinda got the car hit by a bullet train. We're now $43,000 in debt. But don't worry, I'm fine!" Goku tried to smile.  
  
"YOU MORON! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR 'PRECIOUS' BODY! OOOO...NOW WHAT?" Chi- Chi took out a frying pan and hit Goku on the head with it. "YOU IDIOT! NOW WE'RE DOOMED!" Chi-Chi began to cry.  
  
"Don't worry! I'll get another job tomorrow! You'll see! It'll be all ri- wait! I still have another job on delivering a package! Maybe if I can find it..."  
  
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"You read the story? Ya! Now the narrator isn't out of a job! Woo hoo! Stay tuned for Goku's next job- an auto factory worker! I have a message from the author: Please review; your support would be very much helpful!  
  
Also! Please look at my other action/adventure story, the Agama Saga! You can view it here: . Please R&R it! Here's a preview.  
  
It has been six months since Goku defeated Il Shenron. As the planet lulls itself into serenity, a new danger is unknowingly on its way here. With such power previously unseen by the Saiyan race, Agama's devastation is widespread and seemingly unstoppable! Or is it?  
  
Episode 5 (Chapter 4) is fully up, and a preview of Episode 6 (Chapter 5) is up to! Here's Episode 5's summary:  
  
Piccolo punishes the fused King Cold and Frieza, and now faces Cooler in HFIL? SSJ4 Vegeta is finally ready for a rematch w/ Agama, while Trunks and Goten watch? Of course! A/N: Six months after DBGT. Chapter 5 previewed! PLEASE R&R!!!"  
  
OMG! DBZ's last episode won't be shown for a long time. They plan reruns instead! Also, DBGT isn't going to be showing in the USA, since there's a legal problem! DAMN!  
APRIL FOOL'S!!! 


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